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How to Eat Chocolate:
A Brief Guide for Aliens
by Charles Lyang
Charles is a student at 826CHI.
1. Land the UFO.
2. Say, “Earthlings we come for all your c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e… Now give it to us or you will be incinerated!”
3. Steal all the chocolate from Jewel-Osco.
4. Rip open the wrapping.
5. Stick chocolate bars through each mouth you have.
6. Let chocolate bars melt in mouths and swallow. If you are disturbed, feel free to incinerate earthlings.
7. If you like, you can conquer the Earth. If you don’t, you can destroy Earth.
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